Reflect

It’s been a while and it feels so good to be sharing a little piece of me with you again. Today I’m reflecting. Its throwback Thursday right?! So let’s go!!!

It’s amazing what can happen in one year. Last year I was literally ready to throw in the towel. I was so ready to give in, go back to a 9 to 5 and just be the best mom I can be. Fast forward to this year, I must say I’m doing more than I ever thought I would be doing as a mom and creative. This weekend, I became overwhelm with emotion just thinking about how far I’ve come in just a little time frame. There’s still so much ground I need to cover but I’m thankful to God that I’m not where I used to me. I’m in a better space spiritually, mentally, physically and financially.

Now let’s rewind back to last year. Like I said, I was ready to throw in the towel. My previous post shares a little bit of what I was facing. I was facing so many things that was taking my focus off of what really mattered and what mattered at the time is that I needed get focused and gain clarity of what I really wanted for me and my son. And y’all already know I’m spiritual so be ready. After dealing with this for so long, crying and complaining, I remember talking with my best friend and she was sharing with me some challenges she was facing however at the end of her rant, she said that she had to step away from her situation and talk to God. While talking to God she just straight up said, “look God, I just need to hear you over everything that’s going on.” Y’all!! The way that helped me!! I immediately knew that I had to stop the crying, I had to stop the complaining. I was allowing my situation to be louder than God’s voice. Since that day, my prayer has been, “God allow me to hear you over all the noise.”

Change didn’t happen over night. We all know when change is among us, those negative thoughts begin to surface but I fought to renew my mind. I fought to change my thought process. I began to focus on what I wanted to see, I started ignoring doubt, fear and taunting insecurities. Reading God’s word and saying affirmations daily was a must. Doing all of this allowed me to hear God and see the opportunities that were created for me to have. One year later I’ve went from being depressed and job hunting to being booked not only on the weekends but during the week as well. One of my goals was to begin freelancing for magazine companies and within that same month I spoke it, I began freelancing for Essence Magazine…ESSENCE MAGAZINE!!! I’m still lost for words on this one. I also spoke that I wanted to travel and capture stories, film weddings and create content for brands. I’m doing that as well. I spoke what I wanted and began to see how to get there. So now that I’ve spoke these things into existence and God has made a way for me, I now have to be a good steward over what has been provided. It’s an amazing experience but the challenges have been intense and I’m thankful for what they are preparing me for. All I’m gong to say is be on the look out for blog post about that.

Listen, I’m no expert. I’m experiencing life just like you but I believe we were all put here to help one another get through the challenges of life so we should always be eager to share our stories. It’s definitely therapeutic but you never know who just may need to hear how you got over your hurdle. I thank God for my best friend’s strength to be vulnerable and tell me what she was facing. Through her story, I was able to get over my hurdle and continue run after my dreams like never before.

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Calibrate

Coming off a much needed hiatus and I’m glad to be back in the swing of things. Thank you for being patient with me. I really appreciate you all that have commented on posts and reached out through email as well as direct messages. I didn’t realize how much I missed writing until sitting in my car one night. I usually just sit in the car and think but this time I wrote down my thoughts and I got a little creative. I’m planning to post a video on what I came up with so stay tuned for that one.

Back on track to what’s on my heart for this post though. I had no clue that my first two blog posts were actually my release to position me not only for the purpose of my blog but aligning me for my purpose on this earth in general. At the time when those posts were written, I was experiencing so many things. The aftermath of a failed relationship, challenges being a new mom while building a business along with trying to overcome bad habits. I just wanted to develop in so many areas and I wanted to do so many things differently but I felt so stuck. Writing helped me face the things I needed to face in order to move forward. It helped me be honest and open with myself. I was so good at harboring so much inside and walking around like everything was good but It really wasn’t and I was getting exhausted in every way possible. I knew if I really wanted the best for my son, I had to get better. It was a must so I decided to share my story.

Sharing my story instantly caused me to be concerned about what others may be facing. Others just like me. I am a creative that once lost hope. I was at my lowest and did not see a way out. I was so close to just settling and giving up on my dreams. The bounce back did not happen over night. There is so much I need to accomplish and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. I’m here to push you and we will grow through what we are going through. The first step is taking the focus off what was done to you and focus on how to move forward. Visualize where you want to be and strategize how to get there. You’ve got this! You’re much stronger than you think.

Manual Mode

I would be lying if I told you that it hasn’t been challenging trying to complete this blog post. Every time I went to write, I began to discover areas I still needed healing in. How I knew this because no matter how I wrote it, I ended up writing how I was treated and I began sharing memories that were still haunting me. Listen, I wanted y’all to feel my pain and understand what I went through but I knew deep down inside I could not post something like that. In order to overcome the torment, the hurt, the pain, the depression along with so many other things, I decided that I will no longer glorify my mistakes along with anyone who has mistreated me. I was reminded of my decision to move forward and how I needed to put action to those words. It’s impossible to move forward if you’re still stuck in the past.

Today, know that what has caused you hurt and pain along with any mistakes you have made does not define who you are. You are not your past. Your worth is more than you could ever imagine and you are so valuable. I’m here to tell you that moving forward is possible and it is necessary. Once I stopped focusing on the bad and started focusing on the opportunities God was presenting, things got so much better. I now refuse to live out the negative thoughts my past produced. Do I still have some bad days? Yes! Is it hard. Yes! But I understand and know with God, all things are possible. He is my strength, my helper and most of all, my healer. My heart is healing you guys and it feels so good. Happiness is all around us. You just have to choose to be happy and go to work. You got this! You are much stronger than you think.

“Change begins when you organize”

Refocus

I suppose I should state a disclaimer to inform you that I am by no means a doctor, therapist or ordained minister. I identify myself as a spiritual being having a natural experience. This story, my story will not be for everyone but I know it will reach those that need to be pulled out. If this is you, know that if you believe God can and will, today you are coming out and crossing over into victory.

Yesterday I reached a breaking point. I felt as if there was so much not only just piling up on me but pulling on me. How I realized this was in the middle of talking to a client, I broke down into tears. I’m talking boo hoo crying. How unprofessional right?! But as I’m writing this, all I can think about is how thankful I was for that breakdown and for the client who was not quick to judge me but he immediately encouraged me. That moment reminded me of my freedom and how I was allowing the barriers I’ve built in my mind limit my ability to become so much more, to do so much more. From the outside looking in, it appeared as if I was doing so much but truth be told, I spent more time dwelling on my situation. How could I really provide for my son on my own as a full time entrepreneur? Could I realistically accomplish the dreams I once dreamt about? Why me?! …and the list goes on. I think the question “why me?!” ran through my mind at least 3 times a day. I remember one night during a usual breakdown, I said out loud, “I didn’t sign up to be a single mother.” Clear as day, God clapped back and was like, “I didn’t tell you to lay down and have sex but despite you conceiving your son although you were not married, I still created an opportunity for you to come out on top.” Ya’ll….the way my jaw dropped. Then not many days after that my Pastor without me telling him any of my situation, calls me and says, “God says it’s not what it seems, just move forward. Stop trying to figure it out and why things turned out the way they did.” That was about 4 months ago so between then and now, if I were to be honest, I’ve had great days and I have had the most challenging days one could even imagine but today more than ever I know and realize God has not forgotten about me. In fact, He’s making it His business to let me know how much I am loved and what He is ready to do for me. I just need to believe, let go and let Him do what He says He’s going to do. I would be lying if I told you it hasn’t been a struggle to just let go but I can’t help but think, why would I do my son an injustice by not living a lifestyle before his eyes depending on the creator who created me because clearly He would know how to lead the way. I’ve been placed on this earth to produce no matter the situation and as long as I trust the true power of God, life is limitless.

Today I have committed to trusting God and trusting His power. The moment I made that commitment, clarity began to take place, I started remembering great business ideas and wisdom started flowing through the mouths of others. Now it’s my responsibility to get to work and use the wisdom and resources my source(God) has given me and continue to trust that I’ll be lead and guided every step of the way. I recognize that a process is taking place and I’m on a journey. Before your eyes you will see my testimony revealed. Will you go with me?

Image above captured by Terrance P. Elmore