Manual Mode

It’s been a while but I’m back like I never left. I’ve been meaning to publish a new blog post but to be honest, it’s been challenging. Every time I went to write, I began to discover areas I still needed healing in. How I knew this because no matter how I wrote it, I ended up writing how I was treated and I began sharing memories that were still haunting me. Listen, I wanted y’all to feel my pain and understand what I went through but I knew deep down inside I could not post something like that. In order to overcome the torment, the hurt, the pain, the depression along with so many other things, I decided that I will no longer glorify my mistakes along with anyone who has mistreated me. I was reminded of my decision to move forward and how I needed to put action to those words. It’s impossible to move forward if you’re still stuck in the past.

Today, know that what has caused you hurt and pain along with any mistakes you have made does not define who you are. You are not your past. Your worth is more than you could ever imagine and you are so valuable. I’m here to tell you that moving forward is possible and it is necessary. Once I stopped focusing on the bad and started focusing on the opportunities God was presenting, things got so much better. I now refuse to live out the negative thoughts my past produced. Do I still have some bad days? Yes! Is it hard. Yes! But I understand and know with God, all things are possible. He is my strength, my helper and most of all, my healer. My heart is healing you guys and it feels so good. Happiness is all around us. You just have to choose to be happy and go to work. You got this! You are much stronger than you think.

“Change begins when you organize”

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Refocus

I suppose I should state a disclaimer to inform you that I am by no means a doctor, therapist or ordained minister. I identify myself as a spiritual being having a natural experience. This story, my story will not be for everyone but I know it will reach those that need to be pulled out. If this is you, know that if you believe God can and will, today you are coming out and crossing over into victory.

Yesterday I reached a breaking point. I felt as if there was so much not only just piling up on me but pulling on me. How I realized this was in the middle of talking to a client, I broke down into tears. I’m talking boo hoo crying. How unprofessional right?! But as I’m writing this, all I can think about is how thankful I was for that breakdown and for the client who was not quick to judge me but he immediately encouraged me. That moment reminded me of my freedom and how I was allowing the barriers I’ve built in my mind limit my ability to become so much more, to do so much more. From the outside looking in, it appeared as if I was doing so much but truth be told, I spent more time dwelling on my situation. How could I really provide for my son on my own as a full time entrepreneur? Could I realistically accomplish the dreams I once dreamt about? Why me?! …and the list goes on. I think the question “why me?!” ran through my mind at least 3 times a day. I remember one night during a usual breakdown, I said out loud, “I didn’t sign up to be a single mother.” Clear as day, God clapped back and was like, “I didn’t tell you to lay down and have sex but despite you conceiving your son although you were not married, I still created an opportunity for you to come out on top.” Ya’ll….the way my jaw dropped. Then not many days after that my Pastor without me telling him any of my situation, calls me and says, “God says it’s not what it seems, just move forward. Stop trying to figure it out and why things turned out the way they did.” That was about 4 months ago so between then and now, if I were to be honest, I’ve had great days and I have had the most challenging days one could even imagine but today more than ever I know and realize God has not forgotten about me. In fact, He’s making it His business to let me know how much I am loved and what He is ready to do for me. I just need to believe, let go and let Him do what He says He’s going to do. I would be lying if I told you it hasn’t been a struggle to just let go but I can’t help but think, why would I do my son an injustice by not living a lifestyle before his eyes depending on the creator who created me because clearly He would know how to lead the way. I’ve been placed on this earth to produce no matter the situation and as long as I trust the true power of God, life is limitless.

Today I have committed to trusting God and trusting His power. The moment I made that commitment, clarity began to take place, I started remembering great business ideas and wisdom started flowing through the mouths of others. Now it’s my responsibility to get to work and use the wisdom and resources my source(God) has given me and continue to trust that I’ll be lead and guided every step of the way. I recognize that a process is taking place and I’m on a journey. Before your eyes you will see my testimony revealed. Will you go with me?

Image above captured by Terrance P. Elmore